Dealing with Divorce

  • By Every Man Ministries

We all know God hates divorce – mainly because of the pain that ripples out of it. Still it's inevitable. People cheat, steal, hurt others, treat spouses unfairly or just walk away (with half of everything). Even the most amicable divorce is never good. Divorce stains, leaving a lasting impression on the spouses, children, families, friends and co-workers.


Regardless of the reason, divorce is common. It’s become a cultural norm, despite its nasty repercussions. In some ways, divorce is harder to deal with than a death in the family. At least the death provides closure. Divorce, on the other hand, never goes away. It is the end of a marriage, but the relationship with the spouse and children never ends.


Dealing with DivorceAnd divorce doesn’t discriminate among faiths. One study, albeit 10 years ago, showed divorce is actually more common among “Bible-believing” Christians. Statistics are sometimes fishy, because they typically involve a sample size “representing” a population. But nevertheless, divorce is a cloud overhead just waiting for someone to rain on. If you know someone in the rain, do you leave him alone all wet or do you bring an umbrella and stand in the rain with him?


Unfortunately, friends divorce friends over divorce. Men in the church going through divorce often find themselves isolated, partly because God’s men don’t know what to do. It’s a shame. So I wanted to give my top tips for dealing with men going through divorce.


  1. Embrace Don’t Disgrace. Nobody expects to be in this position. Even in the case of infidelity, divorce rivals any crisis. This is not the time to pile on. Being a friend doesn’t mean taking sides, it just means to be a friend in a time of need. Be available to help the hurt and pray together. Consider this verse from Matthew 7:1 from The Message:


“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.”


  1. Don’t Bible Thump. Instead speak with love, grace and truth. Friends going through divorce may need Jesus more than ever, and God can work in this situation. But don’t condemn or judge your friend like you’ve been deputized in the “Holy Spirit Police Force.” Do the loving thing, and love. While navigating this relationship, God may teach you something about yourself, vulnerabilities and character.


  1. Do What the Samaritan Did. In Luke 10, Jesus tells us exactly how to act towards a “neighbor.” While other men walked around the beaten man stripped of his clothes, money and dignity, the random Samaritan interrupted his travel plans to do what? He took pity for the man. He went to him. Bandaged his wounds. Then he took him to safety. Put him up in a hotel and took time to care for him. In other words, don’t ignore your friend and don’t wait to help. Pray. Bring a meal. Provide a helping hand. Get the kids, help with the garbage...whatever the need, give your friend a glimpse of Jesus working through you.


If Jesus tells us to be like the Samaritan and serve neighbors with this kind of attention, how much more should we serve a friend? Helping a friend in need is a friend indeed. Divorce provides an opportunity to carry out God’s love, and you will have a friend for life.


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Every Man Ministries, Founded by President Kenny Luck, gives men the tools they need to walk with God and navigate the difficulties of life. As the Men’s Pastor at Saddleback Church, Kenny Luck created a program for men to start and lead their own men’s ministries, the Sleeping Giant program. Watch Kenny’s teachings at

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2 Comment(s)

Stuart Johnson

In divorce, many Respondents experience intense violence to their heart. The following Words of God become acute to them, whether they have read these or not: "And judgment is turned away backward, and justice standeth afar off: for truth is fallen in the street, and equity cannot enter." (Isaiah 59:14)

Ray A

I walked out of my own home this year thinking if I fixed myself it would fix the marriage. I became better, she became bitter. When I saw where the bitterness was going I moved back in. The result is a divorce. Moving out allowed God to heal me as this is what I sought with all my heart, soul & strength. He has healed me and continues to do so. When I told my son what was about to happen he said "Dad, why did you wait so long." Just writing that I convulse with tears, but only for a moment. My other two children concur and though they wish us to be together they see how "sick" mom has become & how healthy I am. I do not know what else to write except to say that I must continue to get better & do my best to love unconditionally. I must pursue living for Him in spite of the pain. I must battle the continued threats of resentment within. I must walk through this valley clinging tightly to the hand of Jesus yet always knowing that if I let go He is holding me in an even tighter grasp. No matter what happens or how this turns out I must somehow believe His plans for me are good. One thing I can say is that I have grown more this year than in my entire Christian life. I have done things and am doing things I never knew I could do. I am in the best church in the world surrounded by the best men on the planet. Even in this divorce I am grateful that God has done more than I could have asked for or imagined. I have a new freedom and a new hope. I feel young again. I feel alive. I feel the best days are out in front of me but I must live them one day at a time. He has given me enough grace to handle each day as it comes and I must stay in the day He has created and live it by trusting in Him the best I can. This year I have discovered what grace is and that His grace is limitless and is there right when I need it the most.

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