This is the last of four articles in our "Fantasy Island Series III” which explores reality and its relationship to fantasy. In this article, we want to discuss the dangers of living a double life and how this fantasy destroys lives. We are going to take a closer look at the emotional aspects of fantasy. We are also going to discuss God’s will for men like you who want to grow in maturity, truth and reality, versus Satan’s plan to replace your reality with his fantasy, escapism and unreality.
I hit you really hard in the last several articles about how fantasy impacts reality, emotional maturity, emotional intimacy and your relationships. The reason I’m doing this is that the world, the flesh, and Satan won’t tell you the facts, but as your pastor, friend and brother in Christ, a fellow struggler, I will tell you the facts.
Your relationship with fantasy, disconnects, disappoints and destroys your relationship with God and the people you love. If you don’t begin to understand the problem of fantasy and what it is, you are toast.
I want to tune you into the real battle: a real battle with two kingdoms in conflict. It’s the Kingdom of God that is fighting for a relationship with your soul. Then, there’s the kingdom of the ruler of this present world who wants to destroy you AND to destroy those around you.
I was reading Men’s Health and ran across this statement. “Men who were shown a photograph with attractive women who were nude after viewing them said they were less in love with their wives. Forty-two percent of adults indicated that their partner’s use of pornography made them feel insecure or afraid.”
When you make another person feel unsecure they become fearful and when they become fearful they try to control you. That’s what we are doing to the women in our lives. Forty-one percent of wives admitted that they felt less attractive due to their partner’s use of fantasy.
Sexual fantasy is a quickly growing problem in America. One in two families said that pornography and fantasy was a problem in their home. The American Bar Association said that 30 percent of all divorce is connected to fantasy and cyber-porn. Sixty-five percent of men, who are Christian, indicate that they are struggling with this issue. Fifty-five percent of pastors said they used pornography in the last six months.
Guys, this is killing us. It’s killing our relationship with God and with other people.
If you don’t look at this like a cancer and then treat it like it needs to be removed from your life, you will become a fantasy statistic.
There are a couple of verses I want us to look at. This is what solves the problem.
Isaiah 54:10 says: “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor my covenant of peace be removed says the Lord who has compassion on you.”
He is saying no matter what is happening in your life, if there is an earthquake in your life that is causing conflict and negative emotions, you need to know that there is an unfailing, secure, present purpose and power in your life that you need to access. It’s available to you now. It’s called the love of God.
Notice how God describes His love. It’s unfailing. There is nothing that you can do that will take that away. If you’re distant, in the world of fantasy, you can come back because God has compassion on you.
He wants you to be connected. He does not want to be disappointed. He doesn’t want you to be desensitized to Him. His arms are wide open.
That’s the solution men. Connect with God.
Deep love solves deep problems.
The love of God has transformed many a man. It makes him secure and not afraid. When a man is secure in the love of God, he doesn’t have to pursue the rip-off stuff. He’s free to love God and people.
Jesus said in Mark 12:30: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with your entire mind and with your strength.”
When there is a part of your life thinking anything from “I wonder what it would be like to be with that person or live that person’s life” all the way to actual or virtual fantasy, you can’t love God and be in those places too. You just can’t.
Jesus is calling us to love Him with all — not some — of our heart. When we are loving Him with some of our heart and some of our mind. it means we are reserving some other part of our heart, soul, mind and strength for other stuff. When it comes to the mind, and we compartmentalize and go off into fantasy whether it’s on the small end or the big end, we leave God’s love. We stop loving God in that area of our lives.
God knows that we are wrestling with culture sponsored by an evil enemy who wants to destroy, kill and steal intimacy with you and with the people around you by offering us false intimacy and false relief and a false vision and version of relationship with fantasy.
You need to acknowledge the battle right now. You need see it, to see truth and reality. Accept that God wants to love and have compassion on you. Then come out of that world of seeking sources other than God to meet needs that only God can meet in your life.
Get with God, and then get with other Godly men who will stand alongside you. Join me in this prayer, “God you are my source of life. You are my acceptance and significance. I say no to fantasy and other sources and yes to You today and again. I declare with my whole heart that I will love you, with all of my heart — not some.”
God will guard your mind and heart. He will fill you with His Spirit and help you to experience and express His love. He will set you to stand firm against the strategies and schemes of the enemy, who wants to destroy you.
We stand together in Him, covered by the blood of Christ.
WatchFantasy Island - Part III where men’s expert and pastor Kenny Luck helps you learn to own God’s gift of sex for yourself.”
Sign up now to receive Every Man Ministries’ FREE Email Newsletter.
EXPLORE: The "Media Vault" for related resources.
Kenny Luck is the founder of Every Man Ministries and the men’s pastor at Saddleback Church. His 20th book – SLEEPING GIANT: No Movement of God without Men of God - is the proven blueprint for men’s ministries, and was recently released through B&H Publishing. Watch and read more of Kenny’s teaching here at EveryManMinistries.com.