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Red Zone Friendships: Men meet but rarely help each other score big when they connect

In a study by Men’s Health it was revealed that the top two ways men stay connected with friends are texting (#1) and “get togethers” (#2).  The reason we prefer these ways are twofold:  texting fits the factual, short, bottom line style of communication we appreciate and “get togethers” feed our need for closer, interpersonal camaraderie and connection with each other. Whether it’s just the guys or the guys with the gals we usually huddle by gender and “dive deeper.”  Guys usually assemble around wherever the meat is being grilled and Kenny Luck, Every Man Ministriessample it with a beverage in hand.  At the same time, the girls keep it real in the kitchen while prepping for the meal and talk about, well, everything.  That’s where the similarities end because guys do not talk about everything. 

 

In fact, guys prefer to keep it on the surface when we get together.   We stick to sports, work updates, kids sports, house projects, power tools, cars, working out, and our favorite recreational pursuit.  So let’s get this straight:  in the one setting with the most potential power in our lives to build strong friendships we, by habit or by choice, keep things on the surface?  Exactly.  Like a bunch of icebergs, we present the tips of our lives while the big stuff causing emotional heartburn,  relational pain, or spiritual darkness (like our marriages, temptations, families, finances, and inner demons) stay buried, unprocessed, and unresolved.   We leave with full stomachs and empty souls, more lonely than when we first arrived because no one knows what’s really going on in our lives.  The irony is that most of us spin it at these gatherings and say when asked “It’s all good bro.”

The Velvet Touch

 

 

 

Excerpt from Kenny’s book, Dream.  Available here.

 

The Velvet Touch

 

Jesus crashed the mental hard-drives of “religious” men. 

 

A big reason why their spiritual processors could not run the Jesus application was because he made a habit of connecting with sexually immoral, physically unclean, and non-Jewish people.  He broke their rules about first and second class citizens and he was not acting very “righteous” in his associations.  This practice put them into spiritual vertigo:  dizzy, destabilized, and desperately trying to make sense of him.  The ease with which he floated from the Temple, to the country side, to synagogue, and, then, to the “sinners” district raised eyebrows and ignited plenty of gossip.  His credibility as a spiritual leader was eroded by these dubious junkets.  The Father, on the other hand, was rejoicing saying, “That’s the way Son!  Exactly!”  God’s Son was moving the Kingdom forward not just in shady back alleys of first century Palestine but also in every other place where those starving for acceptance were found.  The lost were being found while the “found” just got more lost.

 

HOLY SHIFT! Do you need to Make One?

 

Don't Worry.

 

There’s an “F” after the “SHI” and before the “T” and, yes, I did it on purpose.  I am exchanging the secular phrase for a sacred principle, the silly for the serious, and if I pressed your buttons then mission Holy Shift!accomplished.  What remains are the two words every believer must consider if they claim to be a follower of Jesus – holy and shift.  See for yourself.

 

“If anyone belongs to Christ, there is a new creation. The old things have gone; everything is made new!”  2 Corinthians 5:17 NCV

 

That’s some major shift going down.  Oops did it again.  Key word here? Everything.   God says he wants all of you versus parts of you.  Get that.  Life with God requires change in God if the relationship is working the way he designed.   God himself is telling me in strong, simple terms that when he is at the center of my life I don’t get to pick and choose my changes of life and lifestyle.  It’s positional.

 

“Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and do not do what I say?”  Luke 6:46 NIV

 

By contrast, if we do call him “Lord, Lord” we will be moving, exchanging, changing, or adjusting our ways for God’s ways on a regular basis.  Why?  Because when you are connected to Christ shift happens (of the holy sort).   The red letters of Jesus in your Bible clearly state one unequivocal fact:  change is ground zero of the spiritual life.  We dispute this reality of spiritual life internally because personal change is often emotionally uncomfortable for us and requires new character we don’t presently have.  Or we flat out disagree with God because we don’t want to give up that attitude or behavior.   The result is self styled Christianity, patterned around our comforts, where we live out of spiritual and non-spiritual boxes as the context suits us.  Both approaches fall short and neither passes muster with God.

Finding Peace Despite Holiday Dangers

  • By Every Man Ministries
  • 0 comments

Today’s broken culture leaves many men in a desperate fight for their lives during the holidays. When there’s supposed to be cheer in the air, warmth in our hearts and glad tidings on our lips, unfortunately the holidays also usher in the most dangerous time of the year.

 

Finding Peace Despite Holiday DangersHolidays can bring cherished moments with loved ones, special traditions and memories that last a lifetime. Holidays also bring an opportunity to bring hope to the hurting, love to the loveless and compassion to the lonely.

 

As we enter the holiday season, keep your eyes and heart open to the fact that many men need help, and need Jesus. Broken families can lead to feelings of shame and guilt. Financial pressures can undo our facades. Failed marriages and relationships can create discomfort and loneliness despite being surrounded by people. Men are like icebergs – you only see the tip. Below the waterlines this Holiday season are some sharks of the season that seek to devour them.

 

Depression

Although depression may occur at any time of the year, the stress and anxiety of the holiday season—from November through Valentine’s Day—may exacerbate a lack of fulfillment. One study showed the most common stressors were feelings of loneliness and "being without a family."

 

Grief

For many people, holidays are a painful reminder of what once was. This is especially true for people who have experienced a significant loss such as the death of a spouse or a break-up.

 

Holiday Heart

The season also brings the deadliest time of the year for the heart. According to one of “America’s Top Doctors” Dennis Goodman, more people will suffer a heart attack in the coming weeks than the rest of the year combined. Thousands of people will visit emergency rooms this season with arrhythmia -- often a warning sign of stroke or heart attack -- a diagnosis Dr. Goodman coined: “Holiday Heart” syndrome.

 

 

Have a Merry, Low-Tech, Christmas - Tips for Going on a "Media Diet" at Home

  • By Every Man Ministries
  • 2 comments

These days, I think the song “Jingle Bells” might start like this:

 

“Dashing through the snow with a high-def touchscreen display, all the fields we go, tweeting and texting all the way. Bells on smartphones ring, making bandwidth bright, what fun it is to stare and cling to a virtual world tonight...”

 

Have a Merry, Low-Tech, ChristmasSilver bells, tinsel and mistletoe are being replaced with smartphones, tablets, computers and social media. Our youth are catching on to the technology-driven era at younger and younger ages. They pay more attention to screens than people. In fact, one toy maker is even rolling out a bouncy seat for infants with a built-in iPad holder. My co-worker told me his 2-year-old daughter toddled up to the TV to try and swipe it like an iPad. Another father in my office said his 18-month daughter knows how to unlock and navigate his smartphone.

 

A new study, conducted by the Common Sense Media group, reported 72% of children ages 8 and younger have used a mobile device with 17% using the device daily.

 

When Jesus said to “Let the children come to me,” I doubt he intended to give a slideshow from a mobile device with wi-fi.

 

Technology itself is not dangerous, and can be an important tool for our children’s education. But, if we allow technology to get in between our parenting, then there will be problems.

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