Inner Obsessions, Fantasies, and Thoughts Tell Our Real Stories
Our shock and surprise when a person we thought we knew gets caught doing something we thought they would never do is the first indicator we are prone to measure the wrong things. I have stopped counting the number of men perceived as leaders, role models, and mentors who get served up in the news cycle as sexually untrustworthy, deviant, undisciplined, or a mixture of all three. The curse of the public figure is that he has a swarm of media hyenas salivating over a good public image going morally and sexually south. Think Tiger. Think Weiner. Think Petraeus. Think Clinton. Think post humus Kennedy. All of them had a thought life racing around on the inside while their public personas, popularity, and the paparazzi swirled around their outsides. The dots outlining their “good-bad splits” were never connected and no one was asking them any questions about their inner life. Too much power and pedestal going on to do that. Too much private obsession of our own going on to feel justified in asking. Too many core aspects of a man’s life going unexamined and unchallenged.
The overwhelming evidence suggests that men are like icebergs, only presenting the tip of who we really are to our social networks while the substance of our true selves remains hidden below the waterline. The growing, multi-billion dollar, and ever expanding porn universe should be our first indicator that all is not well behind the public images and behaviors of men. For even the most religiously and spiritually motivated over 70 percent are more than sippers and dabblers of porn (Source: PK Study of men attending conferences). Over half of 5,000 pastors surveyed had consumed pornography within the last 3 months (Source: Pastors.com Study). The domino effect flowing out of the unseen, unexamined, inner obsessions of men eventually and inevitably tsunami their outer lives. The private fantasies will become public, the insides will be acted out on the outsides, and beliefs will always manifest in behaviors. The blast zone is far reaching. The inner obsessions and fantasies of men wind up incinerating marriages, confusing children prematurely, and contributing to overall masculine fatalism in women. When the good guys among us are slugging it out to be mentally clean and spiritually filled get lumped in with the bad guys.