Our Daughters Need to Know Where We Stand

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High school pick up.


I wish that meant the act of picking up my sophomore daughter in the car. But after sitting in the car waiting for her to leave cheer practice, observing the parking lot “happenings,” and filtering what I saw as a dad, I was convinced we have epidemic cluelessness as fathers.  “High school pick up” is a theme not for cars or carpools here, but for what is happening to daughters of clueless dads being visually and physically preyed upon by young boys looking for the next girl they can conquer. So… dad… let’s start by talking about the clothes your daughter wears for a moment.


Kenny Luck, Every Man MinistriesWhat’s your stance on shorts?  I am not talking about the kind a dad in Utah protested by wearing cut off Daisy Duke style jean shorts to teach his daughter a lesson in modesty.  I am talking about the booty shorts or yoga pants that leave no curve or cheek to the imagination becoming acceptable in the name of sports or cheer or exercise.  My “high school pick up” experience made this loving father mad: one football player and eight female high school volleyball players in the parking lot all in booty shorts and cut off shirts.  Forget about the guy for a second.  Think about these young girls as a father.  At that moment I wish I could have every dad of a high school girl on a simulcast conference from the parking lot.  Listen:  high school boys DO NOT need to see your daughters butt cheeks or draw them into imagining what they are like.  I am not suggesting pants.  Nor am I suggesting pulling out the tape measure.  You were a young man once right?  You know too short when you see it.  That’s usually synonymous with too tight, too revealing, and way too visually noticeable.


More to the point, those are our daughters.  And while your daughter may not be a volleyball player or cheerleader does she own yoga pants?  You know, the sticky kind that catch all the “looky-LuLus” including the young men (and creepy old ones) eyeballing their backside.  My daughter has a pair and she was walking out the door the other day when I stopped her from going out of the house.  I told her, “I have the same rule as I had with your older sister, you can wear those but you have to have a sweatshirt or T-shirt that covers your biscuits.”  She agreed and she knew.  End of discussion. 


She knew? Knew what?  That the real power of a woman is her modesty and mystery.

Mystery and modesty was AWOL with this group of young girls at “high school pick up” but was this there fault?  I say nope.  It’s our fault dads.  When they were young we gave them limits because we loved them.  We said things like, “Don’t touch that sweetheart,” “Move back,” and “Hold my hand.”  That responsibility never stops it just takes on new contexts, new dangers, and more dangerous consequences because they are semi-independent young adults experimenting with and testing the boundaries of your love.  Sadly, for many of the our nation’s daughters, they have been morally and emotionally orphaned by their dads and, in the process, made vulnerable to the desires and designs of the “other man” in her life with ignoble intentions who is glad you don’t care.  Really glad.  If your daughter needs to dress in a revealing manner to get attention that is as much a referendum on her relationship with you as it is on Forever 21.  Ask yourself:  Why does she feel the need to show that much off? Then look in the mirror and get busy.


This week I want you to pick up your teenage daughter…. dad.  Relieve your wife from carpool this once.  Get there early.  Watch and observe.  Make mental notes of what you see.  Think like a loving shepherd who noses the air and is vigilant for the wolves.   Then open a dialogue with your daughter about some of these things on the way home.  She may blush, push back, or even call you weird.  Put your big boy pants on and get in there.  You can take it and you shouldn’t care because you love your little girl too much not to engage this stuff. 


You also know the consequence: that if you don’t pick up this discussion some other man is waiting to pick it up—literally.




Men’s Small Group Series for Dads:  The Father Factor, The Mantle, Sink or Swim  


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Every Man Ministries, founded by president Kenny Luck, gives men the tools they need to walk with God and navigate the difficulties of life. As the men’s pastor at Saddleback Church, Kenny Luck created a program for men to start and lead their own men’s ministries, the Sleeping Giant program. Watch Kenny’s teachings at EveryManMinistries.com.

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Tags: Family Leadership , Fatherhood

3 Comment(s)

Dr Richard Norris

Amen and well said! My daughter is only 7. I am very involved in her life and always plan to be. I may become intrusive; I may be a thorn on these issues, but as her father I am there to protect, honour and uphold her modesty and purity unless I hand over to a Godly man who I know sees her and loves her as God intended - not an object. I can imagine what you saw in the parking lot. I see it here where we live in Scotland. I am saddened by some of the wholly inappropriate references to girls and women that I see on social media. As you said, the missing persona is a real Dad - a dad who truly cares and owns up to his God-given responsibilities as a father, husband and man. The pandemic we see in young men and ladies today is significantly due to the lack of wholesome male role-models who are committed to upholding virtues and values and being the gentleman God created us to be. A side note....As Dads, we also owe it to our sons to teach them to honour and respect women. The earlier we start the stronger the foundation. I started this from before my son was born. I take every opportunity to underline to my son (and my daughter) what it means to be a man as God intended. As fathers we must be vigilant and prepared to stand in the gap.


Couple of oberservations:...First not a lot of comments...Men we need to stand up for our children!... Second: Human trafficking is real!....There are predators out there and they will approach your daughters. This only leads to more pain...Come on fellas...step up and be a man!!!


I agree with your wisdom and words of caution to fathers and men alike. I am not a father yet, but I have played volleyball at some of the highest levels and I have coached girls volleyball in Christian and secular schools as well as club teams. I agree that the "booty shorts, butt huggers" are too tight and revealing. Yet, in the volleyball industry, it is part of the required attire/uniform for girls. Ironically, boys can wear longer, looser basketball shorts but girls can't. I am not in the fashion industry, nor involved in setting the rules or requirements for athletes. So I humbly ask what is a father to do if his daughter wants to play volleyball, or join the cheer leading squad or be part of a swim or water polo team? Sincerely, a man who wants to be a Godly father some day

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