April 30

Which Thief Are You?

 

For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” ––Romans 10:10-

 

It’s true that being aware of a problem is half the battle. Awareness, however, doesn’t take us all the way to healing though. We need to be willing to face the pain in a healthy, realistic way. The key words here are “healthy” and “realistic.” The virtual opposite of denying your pain is believing that the trauma was either a) your fault (even if you were innocent); or b) that you deserved it.

This type of reaction to trauma often leads to feelings of guilt and shame. Though these two words are often lumped together, they are very different. Guilt is the feeling you get when you sense you have “done something wrong,” whereas shame is the sense or belief that something is “wrong with you.” And feelings of guilt, if not processed in a healthy way, can serve to strengthen inward feelings of shame. Guilt then, is a condition of emotion, while shame is a condition of one’s identity.

Guilt—or feeling convicted when we cause harm—can be constructive, and lead us to solve problems or even change our behaviors. Shame, in contrast, is destructive, especially if mixed with anger. I have sat with a lot of men who  learned early in life how to be pretty good emotional and verbal bullies, using anger as a tool to intimidate and control people and situations.

But what’s the cliché about bullies? Behind every bully is a fearful, insecure person trying to compensate outwardly. It’s like that hilarious scene in Shrek when Shrek looks at Lord Farquaad, the short bully, and then at his huge, fancy castle and says, “Do you think maybe he’s compensating for something?”

While guilt is a double-edged sword that can be helpful or destructive, there’s nothing good that comes from shame. Ask any therapist, pastor, or psychologist, and they will confirm that shame is one of the biggest hurdles for people trying to recover emotional health.

One of my favorite stories in the New Testament is when Jesus is on the cross, and the two thieves are being crucified on his left and right. While one thief is mocking Jesus, the other defends him. The second thief says, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus’ response guts me every time: “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:42-43).

I am both thieves.

Which one are you?

At times—and hopefully less and less as I grow older—I am the angry thief who lashes out. That’s my old self, the one full of shame. The man I want to be—and this gets back to the process of sanctification we discussed in an earlier devotional this month—is the one who is able to humble himself, accept God’s grace, and shed shame like a snake sheds skin, layer upon layer over time.

Though we can’t go back in time and climb into the minds of the two thieves, it’s probably safe to say that the unrepentant thief had a lot of fear and shame, and he used anger as a weapon. The repentant thief, however, was able to overcome any shame he might have felt so he could boldly ask Jesus to remember him and forgive him.

And Jesus did. And He does for us too.

The greatest antidote to shame is God’s grace. The greatest gift is realizing that God loved us so much that He gave His only Son so that whoever should believe in Him, will have eternal life (see John 3:16).

Father, thank You that my shame was nailed to the Cross with Jesus. Help me walk in freedom and not in shame.