Does It Get Easier?
Then Job replied to the Lord: “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.” ––Job 42:1-3
In Sofia Coppola’s cult classic Lost in Translation Bill Murray plays a middle-aged, careworn TV star filming a whiskey commercial in Tokyo. While there he meets a young, disillusioned Scarlett Johansson who idles about the hotel while her photographer husband flits around Japan shooting fashion models. The unlikely pair strike up a quick friendship that takes an unexpected turn at the end.
At one point, Johansson’s character asks Murray, “Does it get easier?” (meaning, feeling stuck). Murray shoots back, “No.” He then pauses and says, “Well, yes. … The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.” As I’ve cruised into my 50s (way too fast) and hurl toward the next decade, I’m struck by this scene and its power. It’s a completely platonic conversation between two adults, and the nuances capture so much of what middle life (and beyond) feels like.
For you guys in your 20s and 30s, thinking about 50 may seem a little odd (or scary). But let me tell you: as you move toward the middle of life, things do get easier. What things, specifically? From my experience, I’ll boil it down to four:
- I’m less baffled by situations that used to overwhelm me. Sheer trial-and-error gets you to a point where you learn to pick your battles, and focus your energy on the ones you are more likely to win. That leads to less wasted energy, time, and money.
- I feel more comfortable in my own skin. I went through imposter syndrome in my teens and 20s as a new believer, but slowly grew out of it (except for occasional dreams where I’m still at school, buck naked, trying to get to class without anyone seeing me).
- I’m not afraid of as many things as I used to be. Behavioral mindsets have slowly been replaced by a relational one—I know God actually loves me very much. Like snow melt that takes thousands of years to reach artesian springs at the foot of the mountain, we are sifted, strained, and freed from the detritus that fear and trauma once foisted on us. It takes years of work.
- It is actually possible to walk in victory in your thought life. God only knows I still struggle with dark stuff at times, but the possibility of freedom from addiction, toxic thought patterns, and the misery those twin brutalizers bring is possible … no, virtually inevitable, when we stay surrendered to the Master.
So yes, it gets easier, brother. One day at a time. One decision at a time. With Jesus as our guide.
Father, help me live for today and not tomorrow, and may I share the wisdom You give me with other brothers along the way.