Helping the Unmarried Man

They are single by default, by circumstance, or by choice.  They may have visions of marriage and family while others have totally given up.   The rarest of all in the Body see their relational context as a gift.  But regardless of perspective and desire, all these men face unique moral and spiritual struggles which require more, not less, character than their married friends.  Strong beliefs are required to support stronger (but culturally disapproved) behaviors that preserve spiritual integrity.  It’s ironic that the most influential man who ever walked the planet was unmarried and possessed a sense of self rooted in God and his purposes that transcended the broken male culture of his day.  Jesus, as well as a host of other Kenny Luck, Every Man Ministriesexamples in the Bible provides the template for our conversations with and ministry to unmarried men.  Here are the top three issues, examples and principles we should be addressing with this group of men God wants to use mightily.


Identity (I Timothy 6:11-12)     


“But you, man of God…fight the good fight of the faith.”  These intentionally directed words toward Timothy call out his identity.  What does Paul know that we should know too?  He knows that whatever commands this unmarried man’s identity will also command his energy and expression as a man.  Security of identity in Christ produces powerful discipline, patience, perspective and purpose in the midst of the unmarried man’s battles.  Whatever the unique context or issue that arises in the moment, like Paul, we want men responding and reacting out of their identity in God first.


For resources on identity click HERE


Women and Sexual Integrity (Ruth 2)


Imagine a financially successful single man, working late and all alone in his office.  Now picture a beautiful woman dressed to kill presenting herself and physically lying down at his feet.  There are no illusions about what is being offered to this man. Far from being a hypothetical, Boaz found himself in exactly this position and found the strength to maintain his sexual integrity as a single man.  This type of sexual restraint and honoring women modeled by Boaz needs to be directly and transparently addressed along with the lifestyle habits that serve to replace resistance alone with healthy male and female relationships that support his spiritual and sexual boundaries. 


For resources on sex click HERE


Contentment versus Comparison (Philipians 4:12-13, I Corinthians 1:3-9)


Managing expectations and dashed expectations is a huge part of ministry to unmarried men.  Every man has them (expectations) but many times God is not operating on our time frame of delivery for His good reasons and His good purposes.  Time passing without fulfillment of the expectation often turns to panic which so often results in fear based decision making to meet needs for intimacy ahead of God’s timing or outside His will.  This aspect of being single or single again can rob men of hope, create a reservoir of negative emotions, and, consequently, make them vulnerable to attack from within and without.  The only clear path for unmarried men that guarantees greater contentment and hope and less comparison and cynicism is a clear vision of God.  More specifically a clear vision of Him as faithful Creator combined with purposeful service and ministry for Him, which provides meaning, connection, and intimacy.  We have all heard the stories of God’s miraculous realization of a person’s hopes after a recognition and release of self into God’s loving sovereignty, care, and rule.  The longing may remain but God’s person, people, and purpose go a long way to replacing contentment



For resources on contentment click HERE



 In case you missed it:


"Male" Fraud - Broken Male Culture Always Exposed But Never Expected to Change


Our Daughters Need to Know Where We Stand


Red Zone Friendships: Men meet but rarely help each other score big when they connect





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Every Man Ministries, founded by president Kenny Luck, gives men the tools they need to walk with God and navigate the difficulties of life. As the men’s pastor at Saddleback Church, Kenny Luck created a program for men to start and lead their own men’s ministries, the Sleeping Giant program. Watch Kenny’s teachings at

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Tags: Dating Advice , Relationships

2 Comment(s)

paul Wed Oct 23, 2013

It's about time there is something geared toward single men in Christ. As a single man in Christ, I often feel like a second class son of God in men's bible study or church. I got so fed up with the topic on how to be a better husband. I know other single men who were not allow ed pastor a church because of their singleness. It make me ponder how would a men's group or the church itself treat Jesus Christ if he came into their midst today in the flesh as the single man he was. The church would try to marry him off, or keep him from ministry because he does not have a wife. They would do the same to the apostle Paul too. It's interesting the very foundation of the christian faith is in Jesus Christ who was a single man.

Hobbit Mon Dec 2, 2013

"We have all heard the stories of God’s miraculous realization of a person’s hopes after a recognition and release of self into God’s loving sovereignty, care, and rule. The longing may remain but God’s person, people, and purpose go a long way to replacing contentment" Kenny, I know you mean well, but take it from me (single never-married male, 51) ... the longings you say are removed by God's 'contentment' never, ever go away.

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