February 10
Forties
For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ––1 Corinthians 13:9-11
By our forties, most of us have figured out a few key things about life:
- Tragedy and failure are real. Either we’ve lost someone very close to us (usually a parent), or we’ve failed in a job or relationship (a layoff, being fired, divorce, etc.). At first, these losses and failures can be confusing, faith-shaking, and depressing.
- Self-control does not work as well as putting God in control. As life begins to knock us around a bit, we realize that our own skills and talents aren’t always enough. We need God; we realize that His wisdom is greater than ours.
- Worldly power is overrated. The heroic virtues that worked for us in our twenties—self-dependence, autonomy, striving for success, exerting our power—begin to falter and let us down. While there’s nothing wrong with hard work and ambition, we realize that without a spiritual foundation, things feel empty.
- A “me-first attitude” isn’t fulfilling. The egocentric mindset we needed to establish ourselves in the world no longer brings deep satisfaction. We begin to realize that the more we put others first, the more joy and contentment we experience.
- Admiration vs Submission. We are faced with the decision to remain an admirer of God vs a surrendered man of God.
- Cynicism vs deeper faith. As the world begins to take its toll on us—through setbacks, tragedies, and disappointments––we are faced with the decision to either consciously choose hope or succumb to cynicism.
Some call this confrontation between the egocentric mindset of youth and the God-centric mindset of one’s 40s and 50s a mid-life crisis. I’ve known men to have this spiritual crisis in their 30s, and other guys where it doesn’t happen until their 60s.
The point is, I believe virtually every man of God reaches a point of spiritual crisis where the self-centered views of youth begin to falter and fail them. Inevitably, one of two things happens: we either surrender our self-controlling mindset to God, or we deny it and/or medicate ourselves into avoiding it. We all know men in their 50s and 60s who are basically stuck in the self-absorbed preoccupations of youth (material and recreational pursuits over spiritual depth). It’s a sad way to live.
If you are a man of a certain age (over 40), where do you view yourself on this journey of “putting away childish things” and embracing the fact that godly surrender is greater than personal success? I call this kind of self-reflection “doing the inner work “of a spiritually mature man. It’s not easy. In fact, when you surrender yourself fully to the process of spiritual transformation—the kind where you decrease so He might increase—it feels like a death.
But that death is a beautiful death, because it’s the death of the old man—the man who thinks of himself before others—and the birth of the more humble, confident, thoughtful new man. The new man is the one who enters the second half of life ready to be used in powerful ways by a God who will honor the fact that you chose Him over yourself.
Father, reveal those areas of my life that I have yet to surrender out of selfishness or ambition. Break off any “childish” habits and thought patterns still holding me back.