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February 16

First Half Life Traps

And make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.  ––Hebrews 12:13, esv

As a guy who just turned 60, I can tell you that it’s a surreal experience. I am very grateful that I am in good health and I can still do things like snowboard, workout daily and play pickleball!. But that passage in Matthew 26 when Jesus says the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak? I get that—especially when I try to keep up with much younger guys doing physically strenuous things.

Keeping in mind that you might be anywhere between 18 and 98, here’s what I’ve learned about the “rhythm of the decades” as life progresses. This is not a scientific listing—it’s based on both my personal and ministry experience after working with tens of thousands of men over the past forty years. Obviously, your life may not be tracking exactly like this. I get it. This is simply a general timeline of what most men experience.

20s – The strength of your 20s is that you have your entire life ahead of you, and you have the energy and fortitude to pursue God’s plan for you to the fullest. The tricky part is nailing down a vocation. The trap of the 20s is believing you are invincible. Arrogance and bad decisions in my 20s led to some painful correction in my 30s. The good news is that you have a chance to start off right: surrendering all your decisions to Christ, and setting a solid course forward.

30s – In your 30s you establish your career/vocation, as well as your home and marital situation. It’s also the decade when trauma or troubles reach you—the death of a loved one or friend, the loss of a job or the end of a romantic relationship. The excellent thing about your 30s is that you now have enough life experience—i.e., you’ve learned from your mistakes and setbacks—to make course corrections. You’ve probably gained confidence and proficiency in your work, and if you are married, it’s that wonderful time when kids come along. The trap of your thirties is to start drifting—boredom in your job; routine in your marriage. The other trap is stress, which tends to hit big once you sink down some roots. The key is to turn toward Christ’s personal definition of your identity, rather than medicating the stress and anxiety by trying to fill that eternal hole with worldly stuff.

40s – Yes, I’m including the 40s in the “early” part of life because, well, it is still relatively early. Especially considering the fact that a lot of guys live into their 80s and beyond. In fact, the average lifespan of an American male is now 77 years. The great thing about your 40s is that you survived your 30s. No, seriously! Most men I know experience significant trials and losses during their 30s. And if your marriage has survived into your 40s, odds are good that you can go the distance. Most divorces, in fact, occur within the first five years of saying “I do.” The trap of the 40s is disillusionment. We all have regrets—a job we passed on, a relationship that didn’t happen, etc. The enemy will do all he can to derail you in your 40s, and will use dissatisfaction and regret as traps. Don’t take the bait. With career typically secure and hopefully a bit of financial breathing room, the 40s are a great time to step into leadership positions—in ministry, your community, etc.

If you are reading this thinking, “Well, I’ve already blown it in every area,” take heart. The incredible thing about life in Jesus is that He allows U-turns. It’s never too late to course correct, and we have a Navigator who knows the perfect coordinates with which to recalibrate our lives.

Father, thank You that in each decade, You are there to guide me. I pray today that You’d reveal those areas of my life that need course correction, and remind me that Your plan for me is powerful and positive.

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