February 8
Tight Circle
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. ––Proverbs 18:24
Here’s where a lot of us throw out the proverbial baby with the bath water: We get burned in a friendship once and decide we don’t need a lot of friends. “Just me and Jesus” may not be something you’ve ever consciously said to yourself, but it’s the way a lot of guys live their lives.
The fact is, none of us were designed for isolation. For example, I’ve talked to a lot of men over the years struggling with addiction—mostly those struggling with alcohol and pornography. And especially with porn addiction, almost to a man, guys have told me that there’s one factor that plays a bigger part than anything else: accountability. A friend—let’s call him Pete—who is now free from porn addiction but struggled with it for decades told me, “I tried everything. Every Christian purity program, Sexaholics Anonymous … everything. It wasn’t until I got involved in a small group of honest guys that I got sober from porn. The key is accountability.”
We all need a tight circle. It doesn’t need to be big. Jesus tells us that where just two or three are gathered, there He is also (Matthew 18:20). Though it can be hard to find even just one other guy to trust, you need to do it. Rarely in these writings do I get prescriptive, but on this issue, there’s no alternative: We either band together, or we suffer alone.
Who is part of your tight circle? I’m not talking about a group of guys that meets for breakfast once a month to low-key brag but never scratch below the surface. I’m talking about at least one other man with whom you can share anything. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Can it be awkward and difficult to build a relationship like that? Yes, for sure. But accountability—the basic act of allowing another person to ask you any question at any time—is like spiritual oxygen. We can’t live without it, and we thrive when we have it.
If you don’t have at least one other Christian guy friend in whom you can confide, then you need to find one. A good place to start is with your church—ask your pastor if there’s a men’s accountability group. If not, pray about starting your own. If you struggle with pornography (like the majority of men do), I’d encourage you to check out a ministry like Pure Desire, The Freedom Fight, or another men’s purity/accountability organization. The great thing is that you don’t even need to live in the same city in order to connect with like-minded guys these days. It can happen through an app or online.
Don’t try to Lone Ranger it. Find your circle. It will transform your life.
Father, help me deepen my accountability and tighten up my inner circle. Without other brothers I can’t finish this race the way You want me to.