March 31
Calibrate
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. ––Proverbs 16:32, NKJV
We all have that one friend who struggles to keep his emotions in check. The guy who gets in fights at sporting events, or screams at other drivers when you are on the road. Or how about the guy who never seems to get upset, but then blows up over a seemingly small thing. For these men, it’s not a matter of having the emotions, but learning how to manage them.
If you struggle to either handle or understand your emotions at times, you are not alone. In fact, only one man in history had a perfect handle on His emotions. Even when Jesus turned over the tables of the moneychangers in the Temple, He still had a handle on his emotions. In other words, you can be angry but not out of control. Conversely, you can stuff down your emotions so much to stay in control that they just fester until you erupt. So where’s the middle ground?
The seat of our emotions is our mid-brain, that place where our “fight or flight” response is located. While our emotions mostly come from our midbrain, they are regulated mostly by our prefrontal cortex, where our critical thinking skills reside. Neuroscience tells us that the prefrontal cortex begins responding to emotional stimuli within as little 120 milliseconds (.12 seconds). Our brains are then flooded with adrenaline (epinephrine), cortisol, norepinephrine, and dopamine, which trigger the fight-or-flight response, increasing heart rate, alertness, and directing energy to muscles. When we “snap” (through words or actions) in a tense moment, it’s because our brain hasn’t yet had the chance to recover from that chemical cocktail rush. I mean, if you are hiking and a bear suddenly appears on the trail, that instant flood of adrenaline can save your life. But on the other hand, if you get triggered by someone who cuts in line at the grocery store and you start yelling in his face, it’s not good.
There’s nothing wrong with strong emotions—God gave us our specific emotional makeup as part of our individual personalities. If you are an empath who feels things deeply, it’s easier to have compassion for others. If you are a high justice person, you are more likely to take action to help those less fortunate. Just as each of us has different spiritual gifts, so too our emotional make up can be something God uses to advance His Kingdom.
The Goldilocks Factor is definitely in play here: both too much emotion (overreaction) or too little emotion (apathy, denial, avoidance) can spell disaster in a tense situation. The “just right” balance is different for all of us, depending upon our unique personality. The key word here is calibration—allowing God to direct our emotional responses so they result in actions that are appropriate for the particular situation.
Once we experience a strong emotional response along with the chemical rush it elicits, it takes about 90 seconds for our critical thinking to fully kick in. So if you are an emotional person who tends to react before thinking, the 90-second rule can make a huge difference. And if you are used to reacting then thinking, it will take time to retrain your brain to pause before you react. It takes discipline and hard work, but James reveals the payoff:
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. ––James 1:19-20
Learning to balance your emotions takes time and effort. And never underestimate the enemy’s desire to manipulate your emotions to keep you off balance. God is a God of order—including when it comes to our emotional make up.
Father, help me to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. I need Your Holy Spirit to keep me grounded and well calibrated emotionally, physically, and spiritually.