May 28
Hidden in Plain Sight
The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. ––1 Peter 4:7-10
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;
And therefore is wing’d Cupid painted blind.
––William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream
I have a good friend who I will call Chris who has an adopted bi-polar son who is also diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome. Chris and his wife adopted their son—let’s call him Joe—from Eastern Europe when he was six years old, and they don’t have a lot of information about Joe’s history. To say the road has been rough for the family would be a gross understatement. There’s been abuse toward Joe’s sisters, verbal abuse, suicidal ideation, two stints in juvenile hall, and one stint in jail.
At 25 now, Joe lives on his own, but struggles to hold down jobs. He often asks for money from Chris, and it’s hard for Chris to say no. On one hand, Joe is a grown adult who needs to make his own way, while on the other hand his IQ is only 85, and he’s on the emotional level of a pre-teen. Chris understands that his son needs a lot of extra help, and he and his wife do an amazing job of providing the proper services for Joe. But still, it’s hard to navigate.
While perhaps not to the extreme that Chris is facing, we all have complicated relationships that don’t fit into the normal boxes. The mentally ill uncle who lives off and on the streets; the prodigal child who seems to take two steps forward and then three steps back; the parent with a substance abuse problem who can’t seem to stay clean.
It’s really tough to know where the balance is between boundaries and grace. At what point do we cross over into co-dependence? How do we know when to apply “tough love” and when to walk away? The toughest part is that love doesn’t see what love hides. In other words, like the old saying goes, love is blind. Sometimes we just get too close to a situation to see it objectively and with the proper context.
As today’s verse points out, when in doubt, extend love. We start there. Does it mean we allow the dysfunctional people in our life to walk all over us or take advantage? No, it doesn’t. If you are struggling to find the boundaries, seek professional help—talk to your pastor or a caring professional who can help you gain the context you need.
The bottom line is that if you are going to err on one side or another, err on the side of grace and love. That’s what Jesus did for us, and it’s what He calls us to do with others.
Father, help me establish healthy boundaries in my relationships, and particularly with the more difficult people in my life. Thank You for giving me the grace to love them like Jesus loves me.