November 10
Three Chairs
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. ––1 Corinthians 13:11-12
We talk a lot about how to be a man of God, and how we must increasingly live in the realm of reality. Reality, of course, being His kingdom. God’s realm is the most real thing in the world, especially when compared to the false kingdom of this world.
Christian sexual recovery expert and pioneer Dr. Mark Laaser offered a brilliant description of man’s condition. He used the analogy of three chairs. All of us sit in one of these three chairs, even if we don’t realize it:
- Little Boy chair – This is when we live in fear, are only really concerned about our own needs, and live as if we were a little boy again. This is the guy who is preoccupied with toys, medicating pain, and escaping reality as much as possible. He’s a “survivalist.”
- Soul Man chair – This is the man of the world, hiding his true identity, putting on masks, not living as his genuine self. He lives out of his temporal self—concerned about reputation, image, status, money, material things, and his own needs (which come first). He’s a “transactionalist.”
- Spirit Man chair – This is the chair we sit in when we are walking with the Holy Spirit; it represents our authentic self, living according to God’s plan and direction. In this chair, we are vulnerable, and are concerned about the needs of those around us. He is a “transformationalist.”
The tricky thing about the three chairs is that we all move from one to another. I’d love to say that I always sit in the Spirit Man chair, but that’s not true. Some days I wake up and climb up onto my Little Boy stool—not wanting to face reality; procrastinating, and following the mantra: “I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys R Us kid.”
Other days I plop myself down in the Soul Man chair (the “soul” being defined as our mind, will, and emotions). I’m insecure, fixated on what others think about me, and slap on my “happy Christian guy” face when I’m really feeling lustful, angry, jealous, insecure, or some combination of the above.
What we aim for, of course, is to spend greater and greater quantities of time each day sitting in the Spirit Man chair. To sit in this chair, we need to ask for help. Actually, we can’t even sit in it unless we ask God to place us in it. To abide in this chair, we need to be accountable to other brothers and to the Holy Spirit. We need to acknowledge that we don’t have all the answers, but we know the One who does.
What chair are you sitting in right now? There’s zero shame intended in that question. We are complex creatures who have good, bad, and neutral days (or fluctuating hours within those days). And that’s the point: Are we aware of what we are going through at any given time? Are we conscious of our current state—as a scared little boy, a soulish man of the world, or a committed and surrendered follower of the One who sets us free?
Father, help me both be aware of the current chair I’m sitting in, and to continue to spend more and more time in the chair built by You.
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