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October 1, 2013 | Featured | Red Zone Friendships: Men meet but rarely help each other score big when they connect

In a study by Men’s Health it was revealed that the top two ways men stay connected with friends are texting (#1) and “get togethers” (#2).  The reason we prefer these ways are twofold:  texting fits the factual, short, bottom line style of communication we appreciate and “get togethers” feed our need for closer, interpersonal camaraderie and connection with each other. Whether it’s just the guys or the guys with the gals we usually huddle by gender and “dive deeper.”  Guys usually assemble around wherever the meat is being grilled and sample it with a beverage in hand.  At the same time, the girls keep it real in the kitchen while prepping for the meal and talk about, well, everything.  That’s where the similarities end because guys do not talk about everything. 


Kenny Luck, Every Man MinistriesIn fact, guys prefer to keep it on the surface when we get together.   We stick to sports, work updates, kids sports, house projects, power tools, cars, working out, and our favorite recreational pursuit.  So let’s get this straight:  in the one setting with the most potential power in our lives to build strong friendships we, by habit or by choice, keep things on the surface?  Exactly.  Like a bunch of icebergs, we present the tips of our lives while the big stuff causing emotional heartburn,  relational pain, or spiritual darkness (like our marriages, temptations, families, finances, and inner demons) stay buried, unprocessed, and unresolved.   We leave with full stomachs and empty souls, more lonely than when we first arrived because no one knows what’s really going on in our lives.  The irony is that most of us spin it at these gatherings and say when asked “It’s all good bro.” 



Every Man Ministries research shows that 9 out of 10 men have a current issue they are facing that feels “out of control” in their lives that they would love to resolve.  That fact combined with our willingness to “get together” should get us rethinking what it means to connect and help each other.  Specifically, we need to stop limiting getting together just to “grill and swill” and start banding together to help our closest friends defeat what is defeating them.  We have to help our friends get from the “red zones” of life as men into the “end zones” of victory as men, husbands, and fathers.  We have to help them score touchdowns in life versus settle for field goals or, worse, go “three and out.”  But how?


The good news is that the recipe for having a men’s small group meeting at your house today looks no different than it did over two thousand years ago.  Tell the guys your having them over, light the grill up, serve some beverages, eat like you mean it, and feed the soul while you feed the body.  In fact, do it like Jesus and become a “Red Zone” friend who gets his buddies into the end zones of victory with God and people.  Study Christ’s film and learn. 


“When they [his friends] landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it and some bread…After they had finished eating Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you truly love me?”  (John 21:9,15)



That’s what you call “meating” with the guys and then “meeting” with the guys for the purpose of bringing a man from the red zone to end zone of life.  And we all know what happens after men successfully cross the line into the end zone.


They dance.




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SERVE THIS:  Kenny’s Guamanian Rib Marinade


2 Cups Soy Sauce

1 Cup Fresh lemon juice

24 oz. of your favorite Beer

2 tablespoons of black pepper

2 tablespoons of minced garlic

1 Tablespoon Sesame Oil


Marinate pork or beef ribs overnight.  Grill and serve.  Expect moaning.



KENNY LUCK is an ECPA Platinum Award Winning Author, who has authored and co-authored 20 books for men. Kenny is the president and founder of Every Man Ministries. As the former men’s pastor at Saddleback Church in California and current leadership pastor at Crossline Community Church, Kenny has found the proven way to improve men’s ministries around the world. Sleeping Giant is this blueprint, and gives men the tools they need to lead and understand their own men’s ministry. Watch Kenny’s teachings at and start your men’s group today!


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