"I Masturbate." Now What?

  • By Every Man Ministries
  • 5 comments

Admit it. You masturbate. Either in the past, or recently, heck maybe this morning. All men, married or single, young or old, struggle with this self-indulgence.

 

While it would be easy to get caught in the debate of whether or not it’s a sin (and I believe it is), let me suggest that, in my own journey as a God’s man, the reward of saving my sexual appetite for my wife is soooooooooo (!!!!) worth waiting for.

 

But that’s easier said than done, especially with culture flaunting the female body and shoving sexuality in our faces. The temptation to “relieve” yourself with a helpful hand puts men smack dab in the middle of a battle for the mind.

 

We justify it. “Well, it’s not in the Bible.” Or “I only fantasize about my wife.” Or “God made us in His image, so He gets it.” Or “As long as I’m not having pre-marital sex, or cheating on my wife, it’s okay.”

 

I know. I know. I’ve heard these and other justifications before.

 

But, the Bible teaches us to evaluate our behaviors with the outcomes they bring. It’s the Law of the Harvest, “that which a man sows, he also reaps.” So, what do you reap from masturbating -- even while fantasizing about your wife?

 

I believe you reap a substitute for God’s intended plan, while training yourself to listen to your body over the Spirit and trusting your own action instead of waiting for God’s plan for a wonderful wife.

 

The negative outcomes of masturbation are:

 

  1. It creates distance from God. I’ve never heard any man tell me it draws him closer to God.
  2. It impacts the way you view women, or your wife, as objects of gratification versus relationship where sex is a result of intimacy.
  3. It’s addicting. Habitual masturbation is hard to stop.  The chemicals released in the brain from having an orgasm are the same being released when doing cocaine or heroin.
  4. It’s a slippery slope, meaning masturbation can lead to other behaviors that do not glorify God, namely porn, experimenting with pre-marital sex, cheating on your wife, learning how to hide something, allowing masturbation to become an idol.
  5. It can produce “false intimacy” that the body and brain can wind up preferring over the real thing.
  6. It short-circuits character and spiritual development in the areas of self-control, faith, patience.

 

So if you are struggling with masturbation, ask yourself:

  • Does it move me closer to God?
  • Does it move me closer to your goals to be God’s man?
  • Will it improve your relationship with women, and your wife?
  • Will it improve your ministry to other people?
  • Does it glorify God?

 

If you are striving to know God and love Him with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, then take your hand off your boy toy, and allow your focus to reap a much higher reward. If you truly trust God, His plan, and that sex within marriage is, can be or going to be, the absolute (mind-blowing) best ever, then stop masturbating.

 

Here are a few suggestions if you want help:

 

Tips to Quitting

  1. Make a strong decision to no longer “stop short” of God’s plan.
  2. Make a strong commitment to honesty with yourself, God and others.
  3. Find strong accountability that’s open and honest, with another man or men.
  4. Replace the false intimacy with a strong passion to be God’s man that involves your time, energy and money.

 

Trust me on this one. Masturbation is only a consolation. But sex in marriage is a fascination!

 

 

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Every Man Ministries was founded by Kenny Luck, men’s pastor at Saddleback Church. Kenny created the Sleeping Giant program as a way to give men the tools and resources to make the most of their own men’s ministries and make the most of their walks with God. Watch Kenny’s teachings at EveryManMinistries.com.

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5 Comment(s)

Paul Marquez

I admit I do fantasize about intimate times with my wife only,we've had amazing ones in the past.. This is due to her health issues. We have our encounters on average two-three times a month for yrs now, which is not enough for me after the good years we had physically thank u

Ike Newingham

I guess we will just have to agree to disagree. However, awesome website. Keep up the good work with men.

The Hobbit

On the one hand, I do agree with your point about the false intimacy that this creates. On the other hand, why do you talk about this particular vice in such a way which assumes that it is limited just to *men*? More seriously, for the singles - we need a better reason to walk away from this vice than assuming there is sex in marriage to wait for. For many of us, there is no marriage to wait for.

Kevin Davis

I totally agree with this and I have witnessed what it can do to you in the long run. I really agree with you totally. My masturbation lead to pornography and the fascination of other women. I cheated on my wife when she was my girlfriend. We still got married but it wasn't the same. I am now divorced because of my unwillingness to treat my masturbation, pornography and talking to other women. Nothing physical but still the way it made my wife feel was enough for her to leave. I have found a group called LIFE (Living In Freedom Everyday) that focuses on the sexual addiction through Christianity and it has helped me a lot. it is still a struggle but I know it is necessary to make me a better man. Thank you for this post.

Mark

Thanks for confronting a real life issue. I agree with the lion's share of what you propose. We want to e our best for God, and much of what we struggle with begins in the mind. The Bible says much about the mind, the 1 Peter passage being a great example of being alert. self-controlled. Also taking our thoughts captive unto obedience to Christ and being renewed in our minds. I will say that when i was a young man, single for many years, masturbation was a regular practice. I was convicted not to become enslaved by out and cried out to God more times than i can even remember. I believe for a youth it has an element of what is normal. But I believe the issue is not to allow it to become a compulsion, that can enslave and feed the flesh as an addiction. God works with each of us. We know well that habitual fantasy, and especially things like pornography and ANY harmful practices around sex are wrong and contrary to His will - a perversion. But the enemy will also pervert God's truth and relationship with the child of God by any means. The cycle of guilt, shame, self-condemnation of masturbation, or anything else with the Potential of bondage is is a great tool in his bag of tricks. When one's life and heart are given to the Lord - Once for salvation, then daily for the outworking and in working of that gift of new life, the process of renewal takes place. Yes, it's a long obedience in the same direction. I will only resolutely contend with the notion that if a person ever masturbates in their life they are committing a sin. The Bible does in fact talk about this; without having to use the word. Paul stated that he was free to do all things, but would be enslaved by none. Not trying to create a slippery slope around this! The flesh loves license, and, in fact, legalism. Let each man consider his ways before the Lord, and test his heart. I have no doubt that if we all will get completely honest with ourselves, and before the Lord, we can come down on the right place with this issue.The heart of the matter is the matter of the heart.

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