In a study by Men’s Health it was revealed that the top two ways men stay connected with friends are texting (#1) and “get togethers” (#2). The reason we prefer these ways are twofold: texting fits the factual, short, bottom line style of communication we appreciate and “get togethers” feed our need for closer, interpersonal camaraderie and connection with each other. Whether it’s just the guys or the guys with the gals we usually huddle by gender and “dive deeper.” Guys usually assemble around wherever the meat is being grilled and sample it with a beverage in hand. At the same time, the girls keep it real in the kitchen while prepping for the meal and talk about, well, everything. That’s where the similarities end because guys do not talk about everything.
In fact, guys prefer to keep it on the surface when we get together. We stick to sports, work updates, kids sports, house projects, power tools, cars, working out, and our favorite recreational pursuit. So let’s get this straight: in the one setting with the most potential power in our lives to build strong friendships we, by habit or by choice, keep things on the surface? Exactly. Like a bunch of icebergs, we present the tips of our lives while the big stuff causing emotional heartburn, relational pain, or spiritual darkness (like our marriages, temptations, families, finances, and inner demons) stay buried, unprocessed, and unresolved. We leave with full stomachs and empty souls, more lonely than when we first arrived because no one knows what’s really going on in our lives. The irony is that most of us spin it at these gatherings and say when asked “It’s all good bro.”