You teach me wisdom in the innermost place. Psalm 51:6
Trevor fears failure because failure means rejection. Rejection is kryptonite for an approval addict. So to prevent failure in relationships, in raising kids, and in interacting with others, situations have to be controlled, predictable, and produce the desired outcomes. Worst of all, these inner conflicts are propelling him to do things he knows don’t please God. If the behaviors don’t kill him, the guilt will.
After meeting hundreds of men just like Trevor in on-on-one relationships, we have reached these simple conclusions, which come straight out of the life experiences of these men (including ourselves): 1. Families form people. 2. the most critical formative relationship for a man is his relationships with his father. 3. A man will spend decades of his life trying to compensate for gaps in his relationship with his dad. Until healing occurs, attempts to compensate will draw him into destructive lifestyles, habits, addictions and failed relationships. 4. Every man must face and deal directly with the wounds that present his progress. 5. Every man courageous enough to let God touch his “father wounds” and stand in the gap can find healing and renewal.
Only the bravest of God’s men go there. Why? Because it means examining some painful truths we would rather forget. It means doing some digging for the truth behind why we do some of the things we do. But whether your sixteen or sixty, the truth will always set you free; there should be no fear of looking at the truth when God is calling us deeper.
The point is, our heavenly Father will get to the root cause of our thoughts and actions if we’ll only let Him. His penetrating gaze can search even the most painful areas of our lives and leave his mark there.
Father, shine your light on my destructive thoughts and actions.