July 17

Raising Kids Who Fear God and Not You

  

For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.   ––1 Thessalonians 2:11-12

In Paul’s letter to the church at Thessalonica, he gives strong, timeless clues about how we should raise our children:

1. Encourage – A godly father raises his children in an environment of encouragement rather than condemnation.
2. Comfort – We come alongside our kids and are present in the tough moments, rather than standing above them disconnected.
3. Motivate – We urge them to run a race that is worthy of the Redeemer; we stand with them, offer correction, advice, discipline, and wisdom.

It IS hard to do even just those three things each and every day. For example, let’s say you have three kids who are born two years apart. It means that you will be parenting in your home for 22 years—that’s assuming that they all leave the house when they are 18—but today, 56% of 18- to 24-year-olds live with their parents. And parenting doesn’t stop there—as a Dad of three kids in their 20s, I can tell you that parenting definitely continues. It just looks different.

I don’t wish fear on any child in this world: I grew up fearing my own Dad, never knowing when he’d go off on us and my siblings. A great question I get when I speak is, “But shouldn’t our children fear us a little in order to respect us?” The key is to raise children who fear God; and the way they learn how to fear Him is to watch you do it.

And to clarify, when I talk about “the fear of God,” I’m talking about reverence, respect, and awe for Him. He’s a disciplinarian (who always points toward a better future), not a tyrant (who is condemning and points to the past). As God’s men, that’s our position as well.

You can be both tough and loving at the same time—they are not mutually exclusive goals. The best dads I know have honest relationships with their kids whereby they demand respect, but the kids don’t fear them (in the negative sense of the word). Man of God, you are called to walk alongside your child in this world, neither over-sheltering them nor pushing them out into it too soon. How do you strike the balance? That’s only accomplished when you are on your knees. Jesus models this when He said, “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does” (John 5:19).

We study Jesus in His approach to the Father, and then mimic His goodness, love, and truth as we raise up our own children.

Father, help me be the Dad You have in mind for me to be—whether it be my biological children, spiritual children, or both.