March 25
Emotional?
Fools give full vent to their rage,
but the wise bring calm in the end. ––Proverbs 29:11
There’s a myth floating around that men don’t share their emotions because they don’t have any. The ironic part is that I have friends who run the spectrum, from guys who cry and hug me every time I see them (I’m serious), to guys who remind me of the joke about the Norwegian farmer who loved his wife so much he almost told her. Most guys are cautious about sharing too much too soon with people, and their ability to open up emotionally grows over time with friends and loved ones. In other words, the emotions are there, but they aren’t waved in people’s faces at random.
So it’s often not a matter of having the emotions—good, bad, or ugly—but a matter of feeling safe to share them. And unfortunately, some men were never shown how to express their emotions in a healthy way. Maybe you were raised by parents (or a parent) who struggled to show any emotion, or were simply not allowed to show “uncomfortable” emotions like frustration, sadness, or anger. (I can relate to this.)
God designed us to feel and experience things at an emotional level. Emotions are not bad—they are God-given tools to help us stay in tune with Him and the world around us. Think of emotions like gauges on a dashboard that tell you how well your car is running. The gauges don’t drive the car; they help the driver understand how well—or poorly—the car is running. Just as it is dangerous to ignore your “check oil” light, so it can be a bad idea to ignore emotions that keep popping up. For example, if a friend keeps breaking promises, you are eventually going to get discouraged, angry, or both. Denying either just makes things worse. The answer is to address the issue and talk to them.
The trick is to learn how to both recognize and manage your emotions so you are in control of them, rather than the other way around. Three suggestions:
Recognize – If you were raised to either ignore or downplay your emotions, it might be hard to start seeing them for what they are: tools to help you stay connected to God and to the people in your life. I tell guys that the first and best step is to do a quick inventory when they feel emotionally “off.” What are you feeling? How is that emotion affecting you? Naming the emotion is a surprisingly powerful step to managing it. Just saying, “I am really angry right now” helps you bring that emotion into the light.
Realize – Let’s say your toxic boss just ticked you off. You take a deep breath, internally name the emotion(s) you are experiencing, and then realize what the emotions are telling you: “When my boss goes off, it makes me angry and frustrated.” It’s also important to realize that sometimes, you have no control over the situation that’s causing the emotion(s). At this point, you have three choices: control what you can (your reaction), change what you can (i.e., talk to your boss, put up boundaries), and surrender what you can’t control.
Release – The hard part about processing negative emotions is determining what you can and cannot control. In either case, however, the first and best step when you are confronted with an emotional dilemma is to pray and release it to God. Even if it’s just a quick “arrow prayer,” by bringing the emotion to the foot of the Cross, you invite God into the solution.
If you don’t understand your emotions or are struggling to gain control over them, get some help—talk to your pastor or find a therapist who can help you sort things out. The enemy often attacks us on an emotional level, because that’s where deception creeps in. When we recognize, realize, and release our emotions to the Father, He is able to reset our dashboard and keep us moving down the center of His path for us.
Father, help me get a grip on my emotions so I’m managing them, rather than the other way around. Thank You for creating me to both think rationally and feel deeply. Do Your work in me today.